Leadership Development
in My Life to Date
Matthew Ropp
ML501, Key Issues for Emerging Leaders
Dr. Richard Clinton, Spring 1998
Fuller Theological Seminary, School of World Mission
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Part I: Unique Timeline
Part II: Running Capsule
Part III: Process Item Analysis
List of Process Items
Process Item #1
Process Item #2
Process Item #3
Process Item #4
Process Item #5
Process Item #6
Process Item #7
Process Item #8
Process Item #9
Process Item #10
Part IV: Summary
References Cited
Part I: Unique Timeline
(Return to Table of Contents)
Part II: Running Capsule
-
Steps of Pain and Healing
-
Painful Yet Solid Beginnings
My childhood and youth were marked by several painful
events amidst strong family foundations that brought me up in faith and
general responsibility in life. I was raised in a Christian home and life
as a Christian, that is trusting in Jesus as Lord, was both taught and
modeled for me at home and at church. I was also taught the value of responsibility
in my schoolwork, chores at home, et cetera. Most importantly, God used
my parents, step-father, other relatives, Sunday school teachers, and youth
group leaders to instill in me a faith in God through Christ and a desire
to serve Him with my life. Before my horizons began to widen in the next
sub-phase, I was strongly considering becoming a pastor. I do not believe
God caused the very painful losses in this period, but He did use them
to give me a tender heart and create in me a deep compassion for the hurting.
-
Widening Horizons
The main development in my life during this sub-phase
was that God showed me how big and diverse a world He has created - He
widened my horizons and my vision beyond the small towns of the Midwest!
This began with a two month stay in Japan following my junior year in high
school. I fell in love with Japan and the Japanese people, a culture much,
much older than my own. I was also deeply impressed by the lack of churches
in Japan (I saw and thought there were even less churches than there actually
are). This was a turning point in my life and I decided to attend college
where I could study Japanese and go to Japan. Life at Kalamazoo College
soon broadened my horizons in other ways as I was shocked out of my protected
and conservative Christian environment and began to learn more fully how
to be a Christian in the midst of the world. Later in college I was able
to spend over a year in Japan, in short-term mission work and then study
at a Japanese university. The transitional event to the next sub-phase
also broadened my horizons as I moved to California to work after graduating
from college.
-
Ministry Training and Healing
This sub-phase (as its title implies) is characterized
by two main things in my life: increased involvement in and training for
Christian ministry and a time of personal healing. First the ministry.
I became a member of Community Christian Church in Tujunga soon after moving
to the Los Angeles area. Over the past four years I have had a large number
of ministry experiences there: teaching, youth work, worship team, praise
band, choir, small vocal ensembles, and missions ministry leadership. I
am currently responsible for the leadership of a short-term missions trip
by ten of us from my church to Indonesia this September. Through this ministry
I have been learning a good deal about my own resources and the need to
focus on what God would have me do instead of trying to do everything,
as well as how to relate to others in ministry, especially from a leadership
position. My studies at Fuller over the past two years are, of course,
more formal ministry training.
The second aspect of this sub-phase is healing in
my life. Aware of depression in my life, after moving to California I began
to see a Christian psychologist. This brought me some healing in relation
to the death of my brother and we also worked some on my self-image and
other issues. The healing really began in earnest, however, last year as
family brokenness brought up old wounds in my life. This led me into a
time of inner healing prayer with a friend at Fuller concerning my brother's
suicide, prayer that was very powerful. I also began to see my psychologist
again. Knowing a need for continued healing, I enrolled in Dr. Charles
Kraft's deep-level healing class at Fuller this spring. Through my reading,
personal time spent in prayer, being ministered to through inner healing
prayer, and continued work with my psychologist I have been working through
a healing process this quarter for my self-image, the loss of my father,
and other issues. It has been very painful, with periods both of great
freedom and some times of depression. I am trying to be confident in the
hope and knowledge that it is freedom and wholeness as a foundation for
ministry that lies at the end of the journey.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Part III: Process Item Analysis
List of Process Items
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #1
Classification: Inner Growth
Process Item: Integrity Check
Description:
I faced an integrity check several months ago when
I ordered some software at a special discount from the company I was working
for at the time. Unfortunately, when the program arrived, it was a Macintosh
version, while I have a Windows machine. It was not returnable, as it had
been purchased at a special price. The product was shrink-wrapped, however,
so I thought I could probably exchange it at a local software store. The
real integrity check arose when I went to the store to do this. I thought
it would probably be easier to get the software exchanged if I told them
that I got it as a gift, rather than telling them the truth. I knew that
it would be lying to say that, but that is what I said. The store agreed
to exchange the software and I failed the integrity check. My conscience
plagued me… The store had only given me credit, however, and I needed to
go back later to pick up the Windows version, so I would have another chance.
Lesson: Failure of an integrity check leads to another.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #2
Classification: Inner Growth
Process Item: Integrity/Word/Obedience Check
Description:
A few weeks after the incident involved in process
item #1 above, I had dinner with a friend and told her about my failure.
She related a story about how she had once not paid her taxes correctly
and later gone in to pay them, even though she had gotten away with it
initially. She suggested I could do something similar - go back to the
store and tell them I had lied. That was a scary idea! The more I thought
about it, however, I really felt that the Lord was speaking through my
friend to tell me this. It was a test of my obedience whether I would go
back and do that and also my integrity when I was in the store again. Would
I tell the truth or twist it again? I had to be willing to give up being
able to exchange the product. They might be mad and not want to do it now…
I am happy to say that this time I passed, although confessing my lie to
the clerk was embarrassing. They let me still exchange the software too!
Lesson: It is easier (and better!) to be honest the first time,
yet God still rewards eventual obedience.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #3
Classification: Inner Growth
Process Item: Word Check
Description:
I experienced a word check during the ML501 class.
On one of the worksheets we handed in during the course of the intensive
I noted how I had gone through many hard times but God had given me empathy
for others as a result. When Betsy marked the assignment she pointed out
to me how 2 Corinthians, chapter 1 applied. This was truly a word from
the Lord for me. I am sure I had read that passage many times, but had
never applied it to my own life: God, the God of all comfort, comforted
me through hard times so that I would later be able to give others the
same comfort! Lessons: This was both an affirmation for me of the
empathy and caring God had already put into my heart and a challenge to
respond. I was also taking an inner healing class this quarter, and this
passage prodded me to share with others the same comfort and healing that
God was giving me through this class - actually to allow God to use me
to share this comfort and healing.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #4
Classification: Ministry Maturing
Process Item: Giftedness Discovery
Description:
Sometimes I really wonder what my spiritual gifts
are. I have some ideas but it is kind of a vague area for me, especially
having grown up in a church environment that did not affirm all of the
gifts (i.e. the more "charismatic" ones). I had one experience this quarter
where I felt that the Lord was showing me a little bit about my giftedness.
I was participating in a inner healing ministry session for a man in my
class. The person leading the session asked each of us to be open to God
speaking to us during the ministry time. I tried to do this and, after
the interview time with the person being ministered to, I was praying and
asking the Lord if He might want to speak to me. The person receiving ministry
had mentioned a struggle with pornography and as I prayed I felt that the
Lord was telling me of a connection to violence. At first I hesitated,
but then passed this "word of knowledge" to the ministry leader on a piece
of paper. That information did not turn out to be useful in that session
so I thought maybe I had been mistaken, but it was later confirmed to me
that this man had indeed had a problem with violence. Although the word
I received was not a positive thing, I felt very affirmed that God had
spoken to me! I am unsure whether this was a provisional gift for that
specific time or part of my normal gift-mix. Since that time, however,
I am experimenting more, asking God to speak to me, and I am sure if it
is part of my normal giftedness that He will continue to do so. Regardless,
I will be open to Him speaking to me in such a fashion at least sometimes!
Lesson: To discover your gifts, involve yourself in ministry and
ask God to use you!
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #5
Classification: Ministry Maturing
Process Item: Ministry Skills
Description:
The Lord used my time working with InterVarsity
Christian Fellowship at Kalamazoo College to teach me many ministry related
skills. It was here that I led my first small group Bible studies, prayer
meetings, large group meetings, and participated in leadership planning
for our school's InterVarsity chapter. I especially learned how to prepare
for and lead groups of people through a lesson or a prayer time. In a Bible
study this usually requires questions and lead ins that will get people
to think and allowing the participants to contribute their thoughts without
being "shot down" by hard and fast answers which may not quite match their
own. I also learned administration type skills as I worked with a leadership
group and scheduled and planned for meetings and events for each quarter.
(Lessons included in discussion.)
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #6
Classification: Ministry Maturing
Process Item: Training Experience
Description:
Just last week I was involved in giving a testimony
at a Korean church where a men's ensemble I am a member of was invited
to sing. I spent several hours preparing the testimony, which I also hoped
to use for a later occasion. I had not really spoke in front of a group
like this for quite some time. My testimony also contained a little bit
of exhortation, so perhaps it was in some ways a sermon. Throughout the
testimony, the congregation was supportive by pitching in with "Amen's"
here and there. Afterwards several people came up to say that the Lord
had touched them through what I had shared. This was affirming to me, that
some people were ministered to by my speaking. Also, God used it to bring
opportunities for prayer ministry in a few people's lives. God had used
me! I think there was a little bit of giftedness discovery in this incident
as well. Lesson: God will affirm us in ministry situations when
we are open to being used by Him.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #7
Classification: Ministry Maturing
Process Item: Relational Insight
Description:
Working with and leading a group of people from
my church for a mission trip to Indonesia this fall has been a process
of relational insights for me, especially since the people that I am "leading"
are older than myself. There are a wide variety of ideas for ministry and
preparations and differing personalities involved. Meanwhile, as the designated
"leader" for the trip, I have my own ideas for many things. One challenge
for me has been learning how to enable someone for ministry without directly
telling them what I think they should do, especially since they may not
want hear that from someone much younger than them. I have been learning
not to be controlling or overbearing with my ideas, but to take people
with their ideas where they are and encourage them while subtly guiding.
It is a challenge! Lesson: I have found that as people are affirmed
and each person is allowed to make a contribution, things usually go quite
smoothly.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #8
Classification: Ministry Maturing
Process Item: Prayer Challenge
Description:
The Making of a Leader defines a prayer challenge
process item as, "When God reminds the leader that he must pray in order
to have an effective ministry." ML501 has been a big reminder of this for
me. The leadership principle or lesson from class and also included in
the book has been especially powerful: "If God calls you to a ministry,
then He calls you to pray for that ministry." I have definitely been challenged
and am trying to live up to the challenge to pray for the missions ministry,
the music ministry, and other activities I am involved in at my church,
specifically and on a regular basis. Actually as I write this now, I feel
convicted that I need to be praying even more for these specific ministries.
I need to pray that they would grow and be fruitful, that God would raise
up the leadership needed in them, that we would be guided by the Lord's
vision. Lesson: Prayer is key, key, key!
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #9
Process Item: Double Confirmation
Classification: Guidance
Description:
I have known Gideon Tanbunaan for almost four years.
He is a fellow church member, good friend, and a national mission executive
working in Indonesia with APCMI. As a result of my work with the missions
ministry at my church, I have become more and more involved with praying
and supporting the mission in Indonesia over the last several years and
I have always felt attracted to Gi as a man of wisdom, integrity, and strength
in faith. This winter while meeting with Gi, as we were talking I thought
to myself, "It would really be great to have Gi as a mentor. I could learn
so much from him. It's too bad he's graduating and will be going back to
Indonesia soon." Almost immediately, Gi told me that he and his wife had
been talking about me lately and would really like me to come work with
them in Indonesia! Also, some other people who work with the mission had
mentioned my name (triple confirmation?). Through this I have felt a strong
sense of God's leading to take this opportunity to begin my missionary
career by working with the Tanbunaan's in Indonesia and learning from them.
This has been both exciting as I see God's leading in my life, and a challenge
as I wonder when or how God might still lead me to work in Japan, a country
which is deep in my heart. Lesson: God will lead us and give us
clear confirmation when needed.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Process Item #10
Classification: Life Maturing
Process Item: Life Crisis
Description:
Since the spring of last year, a crisis situation
has arisen and continued in my family. I would consider this a life crisis,
because it has been very intense and certainly caused me as well as the
rest of my family to search for the meaning and purpose in life. I do not
want to go into a great deal of detail, in order to protect the privacy
of my family members and because there are still unresolved issues, but
basically actions and accusations by different family members have torn
us apart. This has been extremely painful especially for those most directly
involved, but also for me as I have tried to relate to and love each one.
I have questioned God deeply through this time. With this on top of other
very painful experiences in my life, I have asked God how He can allow
such suffering. I have been angry. I have also been very sad, sometimes
feeling hopeless. Ultimately, though, I have come to draw deeper into Him
as a result of this crisis. I believe He is dependable and that
He will carry me and my family through this time and teach us deeper
reliance on Him. He has already been doing so. Lesson: Choose
to go deep with God in crisis times.
(Return to Table of Contents)
Part IV: Summary
As I think about God's development activity in my life,
what do I see? First and foremost, I see Him calling me and leading me
to a cross-cultural ministry. I am still not quite sure what this will
look like, but I have always felt called to some sort of full-time ministry
and since my first foreign experiences in high school God has repeatedly
given me a heart for other nations and confirmed this calling. Combined
with my deep desire to reach the lost in Japan, Indonesia, or wherever
else the Lord may direct me, I love languages, am fascinated by new and
different cultures, and I really enjoy traveling. Someone once described
calling as where a person's desires and talents meet. I think this is the
case for me!
I see God also really leading me through a time of
training and healing right now. And although I am in the midst of formal
training and learning a great deal of good information and practical material
for mission work, the more significant effects of my current situation
are on my character formation. This class in particular has been important
for my spiritual formation, especially in the area of prayer. I am reading
the Bible and spending time with God regularly not as legalistic requirement,
but because I enjoy it and it refreshes me. God is continually challenging
me to go deeper with Him, to really rely on Him. This seems to mean
finding out who I really am, which is scary, because I have to recognize
my own sin and especially my desire to remain in control rather than letting
God be in control.
What might be coming next? This September, political
situation allowing, I will be spending two weeks in Indonesia. I expect
this to be a time when God will either confirm my call there or lead me
to look for other directions. Most likely the former! Then I expect to
be at Fuller for the next year, finishing my masters degree in the School
of World Mission. I am sure the Lord has a good deal planned to teach me
both personally and academically during that time! After graduation is
not clear at this point. One option would be to stay in Pasadena and take
a few more classes (there are so many I want to take!). More likely,
I will begin a first term of missionary service. I imagine that will be
in Indonesia. If I was making a decision today, I would first want to pray
a lot more, but then I would pick Indonesia as a starting place for ministry.
My involvement with that country over the past several years has been leading
me in that direction and the influence of my double confirmation experience
with Gi Tanbunaan is especially strong.
The healing process I am in right now is very painful.
Inner healing has, after all, been described as "spiritual surgery." Again,
I think that God is trying to get it through my thick head that I need
to trust in Him for the healing process, as for all things. It is
interesting the instructions for this summary ask us to comment on the
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 perspective, because since Betsy pointed it out to
me earlier in the quarter it has been powerful in my life. Even before
she pointed that out, my "ultimate testimony" worksheet reflected my desire
to be used by the Lord for the healing of others. It is my prayer and confidence
that the Lord will continue to extend His mercy and consolation to me and
that I will in turn be empowered to pass it on to others!
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all
our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any
affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by
God."
2 Cor. 1:3-4, The Holy Bible, The New Revised Standard
Version
(Return to Table of Contents)
References Cited
Clinton, J. Robert
1988 The Making of a Leader. Colorado
Springs, CO: NavPress.
Return to Table of Contents
Return to paper index
home